Hey, look, I found the thing the US is still number 1 at!

Great...now they're gonna crusade against the liberal zoos. There'll be super successful "patriot zoos" which are really just paid tours of factory farms where the treatment of the animals will be landed as traditional, conservative, even biblical. People will eat it up.

This is the issue that prevented me from joining when I first heard about them.

I think they use that to help track whether you're watching or not (I don't recall ever seeing the "are you still watching?" prompt when skipping intros... but my sample size is 1)

Rich daddy.

Finally, we can move on as a nation.

I find it helpful sometimes to write down the negative shit then wad it up and throw it away or burn the paper.

Only the person in it...

They stopped making those...it was cutting into shareholder profits.

I imagine the implementation would cost them more than the fine...

Not even a tithe.

We know from decades of successful prison operations that the only way to keep him safe is in solitary, where he can speak to nobody.

Only alphabetically...

This is bad form all around... like, yeah, be a parent and love your kids more than yourself.

Even if you are incapable of that, at least be smart enough to not be shitty to the people who will pick your nursing home.

You can resolve the paradox by remembering that MAGA isn't arguing anything in good faith. At all.

And you have to make something like that up just so people listen about JD Vance gave your cat syphilis, then that's what you should do.

Instructions unclear...JD runs toward the gallows

I imagine being kidnapped is a pretty traumatic event, and it's pretty easy to gaslight a child even if they haven't been traumatized. If every adult in your life keeps telling you you imagined something or dreamed it, it probably sticks after a few years.

"...but now that I've made this statement, none of it matters because my constituents will forget about this deliberately, just as they did the 62 law suits that proved the Golden Calf lost in 2020."

Damn...I was looking forward to my future as a Burgundian