Not The Onion
www.newsweek.com
> > > In their criticism, Israel's opponents are erasing a remarkable, historic new standard Israel has set. In my long career studying and advising on urban warfare for the U.S. military, I've never known an army to take such measures to attend to the enemy's civilian population, especially while simultaneously combating the enemy in the very same buildings. In fact, by my analysis, Israel has implemented more precautions to prevent civilian harm than any military in history—above and beyond what international law requires and more than the U.S. did in its wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. > >
www.riverfronttimes.com
The name of “Pro-White man” Darrell Leon McClanahan III sits atop Missouri's gubernatorial ballot
Delivery would include bombs, precision-guidance kits and bomb fuses
apnews.com
Initially unsure of which orangutan was the father of a new baby primate, the Denver Zoo decided to have a little fun with the results and turned to former daytime talk show host Maury Povich.
www.jpost.com
Moroccan hash is sought after worldwide as a high-quality premium product, with estimates putting the trade's yearly value in the billions.
www.upi.com
A toilet paper company is offering members of the public the chance to have old love letters from their exes turned into recycled bathroom tissue for Valentine's Day.
Richard Plaud claims he found out his dreams had flamed out when Guinness World Records delivered their verdict without even visiting the replica.
www.cnn.com
A pigeon suspected of spying for China and held for eight months was released by Indian officials this week after intervention from animal rights organization PETA, the group said in a statement.
newrepublic.com
Republican Representative Brian Mast is questioning the innocence of babies killed in Gaza.
www.nbcnews.com
cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/11430957 > Elmo’s wellness check uncovers existential dread and despair on social media, nobody's ok right now
fortune.com
Moody's found 21 million "red flags" in its an analysis of shell companies. One listed director — at 942 years old — would have been born in the 11th century.
[https://archive.is/RVDaM](https://archive.is/RVDaM)
[https://archive.ph/9ckoX](https://archive.ph/9ckoX)
www.theguardian.com
Slim probe landed metres rather than kilometres from its target, but a rocket malfunction has left it in an undignified position
www.theguardian.com
Alice Weidel told the Financial Times in an exclusive interview that the UK decision would be “dead right” for Germany, and that a “Dexit” would boost the country’s self-determination. “It’s a model for Germany, that one can make a sovereign decision like that,” she said. It was one of the party’s first public pronouncements since the beginning of a wave of nationwide protests against the AfD, triggered by revelations that leading members had attended a covert meeting at which a “masterplan” for mass deportations of foreigners and German passport holders was discussed, with a view to the party implementing the plans if it came to power. (...)
apnews.com
Under the Mississippi Constitution, people convicted of 10 specific felonies, including bribery, theft and arson, lose the right to vote. Under a previous state attorney general, the list was expanded to 22 crimes, including timber larceny — felling and stealing trees from someone else’s property — and carjacking. To have their voting rights restored, people convicted of any of the crimes must get a pardon from the governor or persuade lawmakers to pass individual bills just for them with two-thirds approval. Lawmakers in recent years have passed few of those bills, and they passed none in 2023.
nypost.com
A bill set to be introduced next month would ban consuming or producing sexual content and punish offenders with prison sentences of up to 20 years and $25,000 fines.
futurism.com
The package delivery company DPD's AI chatbot was caught swearing at customers -- and even insulting DPD itself.
www.rollingstone.com
Oklahoma’s culture war-obsessed superintendent has appointed professional harasser Chaya Raichik — of the account Libs of TikTok — to the state’s Department of Education Library Media Advisory Committee. Raichik has no background in education and worked as a real estate agent before her rise to prominence online.
www.businessinsider.com
A Chinese man was disqualified from the Xiamen Marathon for chain-smoking during the race, violating a new rule against uncivilized behavior.
www.vice.com
Dr. Sean Kirkpatrick had a few choice words for the public on his way out the door of the Pentagon's All-domain Anomaly Resolution Office.
Belgian customs officers seized three times as much cocaine in the port of Antwerp last year as U.S. customs and border officials seized in all of the United States.
www.vice.com
Rep. Paul Gosar blamed the drop in white recruits on the army’s supposed “woke Marxist ideologies.”
www.reuters.com
msn link: [https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/israel-orders-more-gazans-to-flee-bombs-areas-where-it-sends-them/ar-AA1kZ4rK](https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/israel-orders-more-gazans-to-flee-bombs-areas-where-it-sends-them/ar-AA1kZ4rK) [https://twitter.com/ZaKhatib/status/1731777583640141863](https://twitter.com/ZaKhatib/status/1731777583640141863) [https://postimg.cc/yJmf4p13](https://postimg.cc/yJmf4p13)
www.bbc.com
Members of a French motorcycle group against bullying are charged with threats to headteacher.
www.arlnow.com
A man whose stroke on the pickleball court was most unwelcome has allegedly been identified and arrested. Police say a 49-year-old Arlington resident was taken into custody Monday after a peeping incident along Columbia Pike Friday night. Just before 7 p.m. Friday, according to Arlington County police, the man was spotted masturbating while peeping into
Not The Onion
!nottheonion@kbin.socialNews headlines that are so ridiculous, you could've sworn they were from The Onion