fakenews Beluga • Now • 100%

Pentagon report leaked on World of Tanks forum claims Turkey has been under threat of an “alien” invasion. In communication with the beings, they say “give land or war”

The leak suggests around mid August several mile long spacecraft of unknown origin had arranged a formation around the entirety of Turkey’s borders. The inhabitants of the ships relayed a poorly translated message after 13 days after their arrival with one message, “give land or war.” It is currently unknown what this means exactly but the fact the UFO’s have only established their presence around Turkey suggests they want to claim Turkey for themselves. The highly secretive reports suggest the public is mostly unaware due to the UFO’s cloaking ability which allows the craft to blend in with the Earth’s atmosphere, they only made their presence known when a joint military operation coordinated by NATO had initially planned to use nuclear weapons after suggesting the ships could be Russian and this was an escalation. The ship is described to be miles long and is pitch black absorbing 99% of all light, the craft has a nonagonal base which is 2 miles in diameter with a “cone” like extension that is said to expand 1.5 miles in diameter, the ship emits no light whatsoever.

technology Beluga • Now • 95%

Is Samsung S24 ultra good

I want to get one.

badposting Beluga • Now • 100%

My humor is like opening a time capsule and it’ll either help influence society or be akin Pandora’s box where it will induce chaos until every last nuke is used

I feel like I’m and alien and you’re still making stone henge so the way we interpret everything around us is different but in time when you reach my level of understanding you will either embrace it and grow or feel so repulsed with yourself that you clamor to use nukes to rid yourself of your loved ones.

movies Beluga • Now • 85%

The scene in Goodwill Hunting (shit movie) where Goodwill Hunting’s partner is asking him about his family and he replies with an obviously rehearsed list of boys names in a very suspicious order

But instead of the last name Hunting they should use Banana so it’s like Tommy Banana, Mikey Banana, Mickey Banana, Ricky Banana and so on

fakenews Beluga • Now • 100%

Florida decriminalizes crack amidst hurricane Milton’s furry

Governor Desantis legalized the class A drug in a bold move after hurricane Milton’s ongoing torment is predicted to leave billions of dollars worth of damage. The hurricane which is currently category 2 is predicted to become a category 3 hurricane in the coming days which has forced hundreds of thousands of Floridians to seek refuge in safer places in the state. North Carolina’s Helen left 35 thousand dead and displaced over 13 million people without homes, to date it has been the most devastating hurricane in American history and most costly amounting to 60 billion worth of damages. The move to decriminalize crack was seen as a “Hail Mary” attempt by officials as Florida comes in second in percentage of people who use the drug, Milton will increase usage and introduce newcomers to help cope with the loss of loved ones and their properties. When Desantis was pressed on the matter, the governor quoted Cambodia’s dictator Pol Pot saying “it’s up to history to judge.” As it seems nature has decided to shift itself months behind as temperatures all across the globe continue to rise leading to bizarre weather patterns. August and early September is known by the NHC to be “hurricane season” but to have such destructive consecutive storms in October is rare but possibly a window into the oncoming escalation of the climate crisis. Crack cocaine was listed as a schedule 2 drug by the DEA in 1982 after scores of the drug made its appearance in low income areas introduced by the Reagan administration. The alleged “war on drugs” was a war on the lower classes in America in a joint coordinated “attack” on civilians from both the US and UK after Thatchers’ push to close the mining industry lead to large amounts of Scottish people resorting to using heroine. Thatcher and Reagan both had a “dual obsession” with Cambodia’s Pol Pot and seemingly approved some of his anti communist / removal of society methods. Crack is made by simmering cocaine in a pot whilst whisking it continuously which forms a brown slurry which is then cooled down and forms into a solid known as “rock.” The rocks are then broken down into smaller pieces and then smoked. When consumed crack induces feelings of euphoria and bolsters energy.  *and image of crack cocaine*

fakenews Beluga • Now • 98%

“Just do crack” disgraced son Hunter Biden on multiple occasions had allegedly tried to get president Biden to smoke crack cocaine after his poor debate performance on June 27

A chorus of disgruntled Biden’s speaking over one another after the notorious son of Joe Biden suggested his father try crack cocaine which is a class A drug and can lead to a maximum term of 25 years prison if caught in possession. Hunter has been known to have been addicted to the schedule 2 drug during Biden’s two term as VEEP under Obama’s administration. At a private dinner in 2013, the former president had allegedly “warned” Biden that his son’s actions should be dealt with “swiftly”, and that the president had advised his daughters to block Hunter’s phone number after he had sent them multiple “suggestive” texts on separate occasions. Hunter is also allegedly responsible for the Biden’s family dog attacking several secret service members after he was seen blowing a cloud of smoke into the dog’s face before the dog unleashed fury sending one of the agents to an urgent care requiring six stitches. Hunter who has an eye on younger members of the Biden family cannot be present during certain arrangements unless it is a televised press conference. These are just many of the sickening accusations and what some would say is just “the tip of the iceberg” in terms of his catalogue of misdeeds the son has committed. So when the now allegedly sober fail son suggested the 84 year old president smoke a class A drug before a debate, the fury from the Biden’s had unleashed upon him. Hunter responded swiftly saying, “dad, detox isn’t bad and you will get the best rehabilitation, just please think about it.” Biden who was mostly absent during the gathering was allegedly “on board” with Hunter’s toxic plan and had asked the safest way to ingest the drug. “Boof it” Hunter replied and the chaos resumed with Jill screaming “he already has a prolapsed anus!” and then leaving the table with a half glass full of red and taking the bottle with her. “That’s my ma, everybody” Hunter jokingly remarked in a thick Bostonian accent to which Joe slapped his hand down on the table and said “don’t speak to the mother of your kids like that” having misspoken or possibly forgetting who his wife is in the moment, it happens. During the meeting Hunter also kept mentioning he held “the best parties” but was doing so in an attempt to woo over some of the minors who were present at the meeting.

fakenews Beluga • Now • 100%

MIT scientists invest millions of dollars into creating an Artificial Intelligence version of Sheldon Cooper from Chuck Lorre’s hit sitcom “Big Bang Theory”

Project lead professor Cummings conceived the idea after watching an episode of prequel show *Young Sheldon* where brilliant mind Elon Musk had acquired a copy of Sheldon’s notes which the show alludes to being the reason Musk’s company Space X exists. “It (Cooper A.I. can help us reach the stars” Cummings insisted on Joe Rogan’s podcast exclusive to streaming service Spotify