Please chime in with the type of content and discussion you would like to see hear. I’ve left up all the old posts instead of doing a thorough pruning (apparently it closed due to a lack of moderation letting too much slip through the cracks). If you’re interested in helping out without posting or moderating please report actively, while there is value in calling out in the comments and trying to teach leaving anything egregious up for too long could promote people blocking the comm even if they might otherwise want to see the “good” posts and/or milder learning opportunities. Should probably do a poll on whether to be local only as well once it’s active again. So Sopranos emotes if you have an opinion on that. Cheers

www.washingtonpost.com

Fueled by the rise of social media and a lucrative, unregulated supplements industry, more boys and young men today are bulking up to the point of risking their overall health. A measured amount of weight training can be positive and healthy, but it’s neither when body image turns into an obsession or exercise becomes excessive. Nagata published research in the Journal of Adolescent Health in 2019 that found about a third of teenage boys reported trying to gain weight. The study was based on data from more than 15,000 high school students in the 2015 Youth Risk Behavior Survey. And in Current Opinion in Pediatrics in 2021, Nagata and his co-authors wrote that about 22 percent of teen boys and young men are engaging in some sort of muscle-building behavior. The red flag for a young man or a teenage boy is when exercise or food choices lead to preoccupations or obsessions with appearance, body size, weight or exercise in a way that worsens their quality of life, Nagata says. “It’s not just the activity itself, it’s also the way the activity makes them feel,” Nagata stresses. “So when someone says that the exercise is really causing them more worry or preoccupation than joy, and when it starts to impair their schoolwork or social functioning, those are all red flags regardless of the actual activity, but just how they perceive it.” More warning signs on body image Gabriela Vargas, a pediatrician and director of the Young Men’s Health website at Boston Children’s Hospital, urges parents to look for boys becoming hyper-fixated on what they’re eating, having highly regimented meals, cutting out specific types of food groups (such as carbs or sugars) or dramatically increasing the amount of protein that they’re taking in. Going from one protein shake a day to five or having a pre- and post-workout shake multiple times a day is a nutritional warning sign. “If a parent sees their teen engaging in hyper-exercising or protein supplement use, I would encourage them to have a conversation with their teen as to why they are changing their behavior,” Vargas says. “They should share their concerns with the teen and encourage the teen to reduce their exercise and/or protein supplement use.” She also encourages parents to speak with their child’s primary care doctor if they’re worried about behavior. Bulking up, with the associated risky behaviors of skewed nutrient intake and excessive exercise, can be as dangerous as the drastic weight loss associated with more frequently discussed eating disorders such as anorexia. When a growing teen has energy deficits from either not enough caloric intake or too much exercise, they’re not getting adequate nutrition to match the energy they’re exerting either through exercise or their baseline metabolic needs. “Boys with eating disorders, if they’re in this relative malnutrition state, they will have lower testosterone levels and lower libido levels,” he says. “I think one of the big challenges is many of these boys and young men are engaging in these behaviors with the ultimate goal of increasing or maximizing their performance and appearance. But in the end, it can actually stunt their growth.” In younger boys still in the early stages of puberty, a relatively low level of testosterone can also lead to limited gains in muscle mass. “Boys feel a lot of pressure when they’re in that stage of development where they haven’t really gone through the later stages of puberty yet,” says S. Bryn Austin, a professor in Harvard University’s Department of Social and Behavioral Sciences. But they “don’t have the same kind of hormonal environment” to support significant muscle gain, which means there isn’t a lot of potential to gain muscle mass for the average 10- to 14-year-old boy who lifts weights and drinks protein shakes Although muscle strength can improve performance in sports, often this pursuit of the ideal male body isn’t to do better on the field, but to look better — or more muscular — in the mirror. The goal isn’t bigger, stronger and faster. It’s just bigger. “In terms of how boys and young men learn about masculinity, just being big is a way of expressing masculinity and dominance,” Austin says. Studies looking at boys’ action figures have found that, over a 25-year period, the toys have become more muscular, with bulging biceps and broad chests. “The increase in action figure dimensions may contribute to the multifactoral development of an idealized body type that focuses on a lean, muscular physique. This occurrence may particularly influence the perceptions of preadolescent males,” the researchers wrote. Related research has shown that boys prefer those hyper-muscularized toys over their skinnier predecessors. “They’re exposed to [examples of muscularity] at a very early age,” Nagata says. “So, late childhood, late elementary school, early adolescence, boys are learning, they’re learning about what the expectations are about this, the so-called ideal body that they are expected to grow into,” Austin notes. And what starts with toys and cartoon superheroes is amplified through social media platforms such as TikTok and Instagram. With algorithms directed at funneling content, all it takes is a click, or even a pause on muscle-building content and users will keep getting more and more. This can foster an illusion that everyone is muscular or engaging in muscle-building behavior. “Because it’s also such a societal norm,” Vargas says, “it’s really tough for parents to figure out when is this just my kid as a teenager versus my kid has a problem.” “I think the added pressure with social media is that with all those traditional forms — books, television, movies — back in the day, most people were living in a read-only environment,” Nagata says. “For the most part, your average teenage boy would not expect to be featured in a movie or become a celebrity.” Research looking at social media effects on teenage boys found that disordered eating behavior, muscle dissatisfaction and use of steroids are associated with more time spent on Instagram. “Findings like these demonstrate that social media can create pressures for boys to display and compare their muscular physiques,” Nagata says. If social media is the fire, supplements are the gasoline. The use of muscle-building supplements is pervasive, with more than half of boys and men in adolescence through early adulthood taking protein powder or shakes. The products, which are marketed heavily to boys and men, are not federally regulated for safety or effectiveness and leave unanswered questions of safety. “There’s a lot of research done where they do lab tests on these products and what they say on the label is not even reflective of what’s actually in these bottles, pills, powders,” Austin says. Trying to figure out what’s safe for an adolescent to use is virtually impossible, experts say. Because of these unknowns, Vargas advises adolescents not to take any supplements. “If they then want more guidance, then I will refer them to a dietitian within our clinic or a dietitian in the community,” she adds. ... the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends 60 minutes of daily physical activity for children and teens, and exercise and strength training can be a positive for many. But “if a young person wants to increase their physical activity I encourage them to talk about this with their parents, coaches and primary care provider,” Vargas says.

www.youtube.com

I thought this video was great breakdown of the vile side of masculine/masculinity social media. Not a lot of new talking points particularly for Hexbears but still think it's a good video about many false prophets and wicked gospels. Stay on the path of the righteous leftist dude. [for the record I hate YouTube thumbnails so much]

IDK this whole men on this site need advice thing has convinced me that people here really think this isn't a safe place to ask questions about how to, IDK, be?. So ask them here I guess if you didn't ask them in the other thread. I'm drunk and going to sleep now, but I have the day off tomorrow and will sincerely commit to effort-posting responses if anyone has genuine questions they want some in depth advice to. I will say I'm just a guy who thinks he has enough trips around the sun to have some insight to share but I am not an authority on anything, so anyone else please feel free to chime in

> Whenever people are like oh we need to empathize w/ incels, care about their feelings blah blah, I just think about what Lundy Bancroft said about abusers. > > They need to *learn empathy*, and this excessive focus on *their* feelings is a *barrier* to them learning empathy. > > 🐦🔗: https://twitter.com/iHateCogsci/status/1610409758120361984 > > https://sb-ex6e14yir4.b-cdn.net/media_attachments/files/109/628/430/505/308/353/original/db370a81de5f1eee.png > But this is step 1 of "offering an alternative": recognizing that it takes different skillsets/social conditions to get them well-adjusted, because for whatever reason they're starting from a different psychological basis. > I agree that to some extent the whole idea of focusing on these guys is counterproductive. But focusing on them is not the same as making sure that our movement is equipped to deal with them effectively, without having to relive this generational moment over and over again. > They feel alienated from society because it feels unlivably complex, and they happen to fit enough heuristics of the power group that they feel entitled to deal with that complexity by violently maximizing their adherence to power. > The right takes advantage of this by a) being in power already, b) being the same kind of people, and c) happy to use these guys to further their own interests. So they offer the easy, accessible, lowest-common-denominator solution of just catering to that entitlement. > Of course "Be a good person" doesn't effectively compete. But that doesn't have to be the only narrative the left offers. We need the next step, a narrative that starts with "Be a good person" and builds it into a competitively epic cognitive reward mechanism.

I want to state up first I get it, I'm on the right side, most of these men are awful, and every man-o-sphere influence is awful. Andrew Tate belongs in a 6 foot deep hole, or a hole in the back of his head. Joe Rogan should be sent to the Hague. But when dudes complain, even about genuine issues, we have a tendency to just attack them for it. If a guy complains that being short can kinda suck (and it can. More so than just getting girls, it can hurt your career and everything.) People, even leftists, tend to just call them a sad manlet or something. Same thing with dudes complaining they can't get a girlfriend, are they not alienated under capitalism? I'm not saying we have to coddle the incels, but we could do better at presenting a future, a better one, maybe? The discourse about height, and dick size, are both stupid but here (in this safe space) can I admit that there's a point to both? They affect people, it's a real thing. And back to the Joe Rogan's, I feel bad that men and boys get sucked into that. I have some pity for them, these desperate losers. Anyways, Im sure I'm going to think this is dumb, but I just can't help but feel like there's a gigantic community of extremely disaffected people that while I mostly loathe, I also really feel bad for. I don't think it would've taken much to push me there, I grew up in a good environment with some good role models, but without that, left to the wolves, I'm as susceptible to the grifters as everyone is.

All of the political, fictional, media, and societal forces in this country fantasizes this generation of men from the era. They were tough, stoic, built skyscrapers, fought and died in wars, dressed in suits, and they did things their own way. I always have an image of Frank Sinatra and the Rat Pack in my head of this type of man. Candace Owens' "Bring back manly man" tweet on a photo of Harry Styles in a dress underscores the society's mourning the loss of masculine men. I never met my grandfather but from all the stories I've heard of him he was the typical man of his era. Grew up in the 30s, was a junkman, joined the Army, worked a union trade job, came home from work and read his newspaper. He didn't make dinner (except for grilling steaks with his bare hands). He physically fought my grandma and engaged corporal punishment with my uncles and aunt. My mom says she was scared of him for a long time. He never traveled or did anything with his children. Essentially, he worked and came home and didn't do any domestic activities. You look at photos of him and he looked like a good looking Italian guy in a Martin Scorsese movie. A "man's man". Learning about his bad tendencies and at first its hard to see a tragedy. The tragedy is near the end of his life he expressed regret and remorse. His life under capitalism and patriarchal norms crushed his soul. It was only around his old age and after his retirement when he started to mellow out and become something more. The last time he talked to my uncle he told him "I'm sorry for not being there and talking to you." He loved to visit my mom and dad and my mom said she loved to talk to him even though she was previously scared of him. He traveled to Hawaii the year before he died and he absolutely loved it. When they got back he asked my grandma "when's the next trip?" When he was older, every day he walked their cat on a leash. Even with all of their troubles throughout their marriage, my granparents loved each other. On their last day together they made love, he told my grandma he loved her, and he went to bet on the horses. He also hated some aspects of his society. He hated suits, hated the Army and was dishonorably discharged for refusing an order, and he hated Reagan and trickle down economics. Underneath his manly exterior there was something more there and his remorse at not being a better person showed toward the end of his life. It was only after he wasn't being crushed by a manual labor job and living just with my grandma was he able to start to explore the world and open up to his kids. So when I think of him now I see him as a victim of Capitalism and patriarchal norms of our society. I don't know, this is kinda a rough draft of my thoughts about someone I never met but wish I could have.

Conservatives: Beware the left's gender ideology! The Left: Bro, you invented gender ideology.

[:reddit-logo: thread for the libs.](https://teddit.net/r/indepthaskreddit/comments/wy0o58/how_do_we_save_young_men_from_being_drawn_into/) ::: spoiler Full Article Text "Andrew Who?" That's most of what the over-30 crowd said in response to the news that Andrew Tate had been banned from TikTok, Instagram, and Facebook after a spate of negative coverage and increasing concerns from parents and teachers about the TikTok star's power over his followers. For adults who don't have teenage sons, the 35-year-old kickboxer-turned-TikTok star was largely unknown, but as anyone in the high school and college age set could tell you, online he was an overnight sensation. Across the English-speaking world, parents and teachers grew increasingly alarmed, hearing teenage boys and young men parroting Tate's woman-hating rhetoric. One teacher on Reddit last week complained about boys "saying shit like 'women are inferior to men' 'women belong in the kitchen Ms____'.," and refusing "to read an article by a female author because 'women should only be housewives.'" In the thread, multiple teachers chimed in with their own stories about the adolescent fascination with Tate. Beyond arguing that women shouldn't be allowed to drive or work outside of the home, Tate has bragged about beating a woman with a machete and praised Donald Trump for sexually assaulting women. His popularity is directly attributable to the profit motives of social media companies. As the Guardian demonstrated, if a TikTok user was identified as a teenage male, the service shoveled Tate videos at him at a rapid pace. Until the grown-ups got involved and shut it all down, Tate was a cash cow for TikTok, garnering over 12 billion views for his videos peddling misogyny so vitriolic that one almost has to wonder if he's joking. Tate is just the latest example of the way that far-right figures lure in young men by preying on their insecurities. But he is very much not joking. Police in Romania raided the British-born Tate's Romanian home in April, as part of an investigation into human trafficking. Tate had previously said he likes living in Romania because he believes law enforcement looks the other way on sexual assault allegations. Parents, teachers, and anyone who cares about the wellbeing of young people should be worried. It's not just that Tate was spreading hateful ideas and encouraging violence against women, though that on its own is terrifying enough. It's that Tate is just the latest example of the way that far-right figures lure in young men by preying on their insecurities. Once the influencers suck in these young men, they start redirecting audience energies towards fascist organizing. Tate is just a piece of a larger puzzle that explains, for instance, how so many otherwise normal young men get wrapped up in groups like the Proud Boys and actions like storming the Capitol on January 6. The strategy is simple. Far-right online influencers position themselves as "self-help" gurus, ready to offer advice on making money, working out, or, crucially, attracting female attention. But it's a bait-and-switch. Rather than getting good advice on money or health, audiences often are hit with pitches for cryptocurrency scams or useless-but-expensive supplements. And, even worse, rather than being offered genuine guidance on how to be more appealing to women, they're encouraged to blame women — and especially feminism — for their dating woes. "It's certainly true that male privilege ain't delivering what it used to," Ash Sarkar writes in her piece about Tate for GQ. "Women don't have to sit around waiting to be chosen anymore," but instead are often holding out for male partners who treat them with respect and dignity. One way for men to respond to this, which many do, is to embrace a more egalitarian worldview and become the partners women desire. But what Tate and other right-wing influencers like him offer male audiences instead is grievance, an opportunity to lash out at feminism. They often even dangle out hope of a return to a system where economic and social dependence on men forced women to settle for unsatisfying or even abusive relationships. Organizing with other anti-feminist men is held out as the answer to their problems. This bait-and-switch is all over the right-wing influencer world. What Tate and other right-wing influencers like him offer male audiences instead is grievance, an opportunity to lash out at feminism. Proud Boys founder Gavin McInness built a young, male audience in large part by suggesting he had the key to landing a "tradwife," which is far-right slang for wives who stay at home and assume a submissive role. (In reality, McInnes's wife is a successful publicist.) Psychology professor-turned-right wing influencer Jordan Peterson first rose to fame as a self-help guru with his book "12 Rules for Life." But his audiences thrill to him not for banal "make your bed" advice, but for proclamations such as recommending "enforced monogamy" on women as a cure for male anxiety. Until his social media ban, Tate was operating something called Hustler University, which promised, for $49 a month, to turn his audience into rich playboys, as he presents himself to be. But once in the door, the young male audiences aren't just hit with sexist content, but drawn into a larger world of far-right bigotry and, in many cases, anti-democratic sentiment. McInnes's Proud Boys ended up being the vanguard of the Capitol insurrection. Peterson was recently suspended from Twitter and demonetized on YouTube for saying gender transition is "Nazi medical experiment-level wrong." Most of the coverage of Tate has focused on his misogyny, but as the group Hope Not Hate notes, they've been "monitoring Tate for years, due to his long history of extremism and his close association with major far-right figures." He's been linked with a number of far-right American and British influencers, and not just because he loves Trump. He's been photographed dining with former Infowars anchor Paul Joseph Watson, who was recently recorded ranting about how he wishes "to wipe Jews off the face of the Earth." He's also associated with Jack Posobiec and Mike Cernovich, far-right trolls who pushed Pizzagate and similar hoaxes. But the 17-year-old kid who starts following Tate because he's titillated by TikTok videos espousing "edgelord" opinions about women doesn't know any of this. All he knows is that this cut guy with a loud mouth is promising that, while "politically incorrect," he's offering advice and opinions that can supposedly give a leg up socially and sexually. It can be intoxicating for young men trying to navigate the confusing and scary world that is often full of rejection. Doubly so when the message they're getting is that the solution isn't to do hard, personal work to make yourself a better catch, but instead to become angry and aggrieved at women for wanting a better deal for themselves. :::

www.youtube.com

Avatar is so good

My workplace has a ton of these "Rise & Grind™️©️®️" Sigma and Ligma mindset books all over the place. I read them from time to time to gaze into the dreaded and loathsome Manosphere and understand my enemy. The core of these books is a sort of bastardized self-actualization. I genuinely don't think becoming accountable to set of values and being active member in one's own life is a bad thing; in fact I think if they left it at that a lot of guys would be better for it. However, I find it to be uniquely corrupted by neoliberalism and capitalism, in that it twists and warps manhood into this ideal that demands the domination of everything and everyone around. It turns manhood into a zero-sum game. A lot of these books blogs websites do offer somewhat meaningful mental frameworks for “achievement” but I'm always questioned as to what end. much of it is a false myth of manhood and recapturing a masculinity that never existed which I feel uniquely disappoints men. Patriarchy leaves men particularly vulnerable to these sorts of traps and snares when they are feeling down and out. I do think it's good to strive and do your best, but that should never EVER come at the cost of someone else doing the same. If anything you should be helping others become their best too, so you two can be your best together and shine even brighter. I hate how the modern world has made being a dude about just being a dick with a bunch of stuff rather than being a good person. Discipline, steadfast commitment, pushing through failure, all that sort of stuff is great and good but not if it's just implemented to get a new shiny bauble or whatever. Capitalism really does hinder men's ability to live up their supposed values and virtues. We can’t be the mean we want to be with under capitalism, we can’t be the men we actually should be as along as capitalism is rules over us Being a great man should be defined by your ability actually live out manly virtues, not these fast food Mc-ideals of debasing yourself for some coin. A good dude is more than his ability to dominate. I don't know what my larger point is, but I'm just typing this at work cause they got me working on a Sunday and all these dumb books are lying around the "leadership" library. It's just so fuckin' corny.

libcom.org

Posted in menby because, honestly, that's where it's most needed. Question race. Question gender. Question your oppressors. Don't take the non-ideological 'default' the world hands you at face value. **It is ideology.** :zizek: [En Español](https://libcom.org/article/el-manifesto-de-aceleracionismo-de-genero) | [Download](https://theanarchistlibrary.org/library/vikky-storm-the-gender-accelerationist-manifesto)

I support you in your fight against toxic masculinity, and in your exploration and expression of an authentic masculinity. I reject second-wave feminism blaming each individual man/masc-aligned person for the consequences of patriarchy, thus obscuring its systemic nature while denying us effective weapons to combat it. I’m proud of you for the work you’ve already done on yourselves and in your communities. Each and every one of you has what it takes to overcome reactionary impulses, to love yourselves and your comrades, and to be a part of our inevitable global communism. I salute you, masc-aligned comrades. I salute you, men of the left.

I have never understood this joke. Growing up I never heard my Pops say anything like that even jokingly (though he would often say she wouldn't let him buy dumb stuff but that was the extent of it). However it's super common in older media and culture and is still notice able in contemporary times. I even hear from guys around my age who in their late 20s to mid 30s in break room chats. I haven't noticed a national or race trend either, it seems to be from dudes of every background. Is marriage that soul crushing that you resent your partner? Is it a "pressure release valve" sorta thing about monogamy? Is it actually something people feel? Do guys feel trapped somehow or are just realizing they live unfulfilling lives and project that on to their partners? If that's the case it's kinda weird, like your wife is supposedly the love your life and I would assume you'd really like them. I remember hearing at lot at my Men's group at my church when I was an early teen. "Upstanding, moral, virtuous Christian men™️©️®️" just kinda openly saying stuff like and pretty much everyone saying "lmao same" (or the time appropriate equivalent). I see it a lot in movies too. Tons of films are about guys secretly pining for someone else or just resolved to live their lot with some they feel hinders them. I remember reading the book " [Bowling Alone](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bowling_Alone) " which lacked any real material analysis of social conditions but it mentioned that men's groups were guys would go to escape their marriage for a bit. While I understand it's important to have your own friends and social groups, the idea it's describe "escape" seems like it's an unpleasant space to be in. Has patriarchy created marriage into prison were men are both the jailed and jailor like it has for many other things in men's lives? Do dudes really loathe their partners this much?

> A thousand thanks, my dearly beloved Karl, for your long, dear letter of yesterday. How I longed for news of you all during those days of anxiety and sorrow when my heart scarcely dared to hope any more, and how long, how very long, did my yearning breast remain unsatisfied. Every hour contained in itself an eternity of fear and worry. Your letters are the only gleams of light in my life just now. Dear Karl, pray let them shine for me more often and cheer me... > >...I am happy beyond words, my dear Karl, that you are still keeping your spirits up and continuing to master your impatience and your longings. How I love you for this courage of yours. You are my husband, and I am still thankful for this! To remain calm and clear-headed in the midst of the hurly-burly and to be in harmony with the times! - *Letter from Jenny Marx to Karl Marx - [March 24, 1846](https://marxists.architexturez.net/archive/marx/letters/jenny/46_03_24.htm)* Karl Marx was an imperfect man, not in the sense of a humble-brag, but in the manner of which our society still has critiques of him through a lens of traditional masculinity. He wasn't the best provider in an era where that was expected of him. He was impatient, very forward, frequently ill, always working on personal projects, and he was in constant feuds with his comrades. I am not here to sing his praises as the bastion of all good things, but I think it would be good to take stock of the character of the man who set the foundations of this movement in order that we might learn from him. Marx was first and foremost a humanist. He loved humanity, and despite what unsourced conservative media will tell you, he cared very deeply about the human beings around him: > Marx was a humanist through and through. Nothing was more wonderful to him than man, and he expressed that feeling in a frequently repeated quotation from Hegel: "even the criminal thought of a malefactor has more grandeur and nobility than the wonders of heaven." His answers to the questionnaire made up for him by his daughter Laura reveal a great deal of the man: his idea of misery was submission; the vice he detested most was servility, and his favorite maxims were "nothing human is alien to me" and "one must doubt of everything." - Erich Fromm: *[Marx's Concept of Man (1961)](https://www.marxists.org/archive/fromm/works/1961/man/index.htm)* This wasn't just an ideology for Marx, however. In my other posts I have brought up Marx's concept of community (Gemeinwesen), and there is evidence that he lived by his concept of community in his own life, from his political involvement to the way he kept his own household: > Of his political creed, and the tremendous issues that have resulted from it, I have nothing to say. Much indeed has already been said, and the last word is not spoken. It is of his home that I would speak--the man as I saw him in the midst of his family and friends, to whom I talked in the intimacies of every-day life during his last years, and to whom I owe many memories of kindly words and generous hospitality. > > This was in the early 'eighties, when as a political refugee, he had found a home in England, and lived in Maitland Park Road; N.W. My introduction to him took place in his own drawing-room at a meeting of a Shakespeare Reading Club, called the 'Dogberry,' of which his youngest daughter Eleanor (Tussy to her friends) was the leading spirit. Amongst the members of this Club were Edward Rose, the dramatist, Mrs. Theodore Wright, whose acting in Ibsen's Ghosts will still be remembered, pretty Dollie Radford, the poet, Sir Henry Juta, Frederic Engels, and others to whom some measure of fame has come. I had been asked to read the juvenile part of Prince Arthur in King John, but the part was an exceedingly small one, and my attention was riveted less on my princely words than on the figure of our host, who sat at the end of the long double room--an extraordinarily forceful and dominating personality... > > ...These Shakespearean readings were supposed to take place once a fortnight at different members' houses, but as a matter of fact they were held more frequently at the Marx's than anywhere else. Karl Marx, in common with the rest of his family, was a devoted admirer of the poet and loved to listen to his plays. As he very rarely went out at night, the only place he could hear them was in his own house. He never read a part which, for the sake of the play, was perhaps quite as well, for he had a guttural voice and a decided German accent. He was interested in talking of Shakespeare's popularity in Germany and of how it had come about; Eleanor always maintained that the German dramatic ideal approximated much more closely to the English than the French, and waxed eloquent over Lessing and Wieland, who had both done so much to make Shakespeare known in their own country. And, indeed, the 'Swan of Avon' can hardly have had a more passionate devotee than Wieland, who wrote to one of his correspondents: 'I tremble with the deepest, holiest veneration when I only speak his name: I bow down to the earth and pray when I feel the presence of Shakespeare's spirit.' - Marian Comyn: *[My Recollections of Karl Marx (1922)](https://www.marxists.org/subject/women/authors/comyn/marx.htm)* He loved human art, and culture, and loved sharing his interests with like-minded people. He shared his love with others freely, and frequently had people in his own home. And it's obvious in the writings of Engels, Jenny, and Marx's children that he cared deeply for his family and friends. Most of all, his love for his wife seemed boundless, even until the end of his life: > His whole life long Marx not only loved his wife, he was in love with her. Before me is a love letter the passionate, youthful ardour of which would suggest it was written by an eighteen-year-old. Marx wrote it in 1856, after Jenny had borne him six children. Called to Trier by the death of his mother in 1863, he wrote from there saying he had made "daily pilgrimages to the old house of the Westphalens (in Roemerstrasse) that interests me more than the whole of Roman antiquity because it reminds me of my happy youth and once held my dearest treasure. Besides, I am asked daily on all sides about the former 'most beautiful girl in Trier' and 'Queen of the ball'. It is damned pleasing for a man to find his wife lives on in the imagination of a whole city as a delightful princess..." - Eleanor Marx: *[Biographical Comments on Karl Marx (1897)](https://www.marxists.org/archive/marx/bio/marx/eleanor.htm)* From everything I've read on Marx, I see him as an embodiment of the communal man through love of humanity. I can't think of any other reason a relatively privileged middle class person would throw away all of their wealth and political power in favor of principles, working on theory until the end of his life. We can see this, again, in Fromm's description of Marx's idea of man: > For Marx man is characterized by the "principle of movement," and it is significant that he quotes the great mystic Jacob Boehme in connection with this point. [36] The principle of movement must not be understood mechanically but as a drive, creative vitality, energy; human passion for Marx "is the essential power of man striving energetically for its object." As for how to achieve this, it's hard to say. I don't think we can just git gud and push people into living better lives. There are so many of us managing neurodivergence, poverty, racism, and various other social ills that it's not reasonable to expect everyone to be the image of greatness. Not even Marx was great. What I do think, however, is that not all of us or even most of us are here for selfish aims. Revolutionary thought necessitates a kind of love, I believe. And in most of us it's a very vestigial uncultivated kind of love yearning to grow. But in the end I think we can turn it into community and through community into power. I'm not sure if Marx would agree with me, but I'd like to end this with another Comyn quote straight from Marx's mouth: > "'It's waste of breath to tell people of their faults, in the hope that the telling will cure them," he muttered, in his guttural tones. "If they would only think--but that is just what they won't do. What is man's greatest asset, the most precious thing that is given him? *Time.* And see how it is wasted. Your own time --well, that does not matter. But other people's--*mine-Himmel!* what a responsibility." I looked as I felt--abject. His ferocity disappeared in a charming smile. > > "Come, come, you shall be forgiven. Sit down, and I will tell you stories of the days when I was in Paris, and did not know French as well as I know it now..."

So [@Lilith](/u/Lilith) recently had a [good shitpost](https://hexbear.net/post/198172) on the emotional stunting men experience under the patriarchy. Most days I would laugh and scroll on by, but today I really felt it and wanted to perhaps start a discussion. As a straight, cis male who has recently started seeing someone, I have noticed a lot of the emotions seemingly ingrained by the patriarchy popping back up in recent days. I have felt possessiveness, jealousy, and fears of inadequacy (am I really good enough, or MAN enough, to be with this person?) It seems like the patriarchy effects all men differently. I personally found it much easier to get over the immediate instinct towards rage rather than sadness or other emotions, but the feelings stated above have stuck with me despite my best efforts. Some things I have wondered about when pondering this topic: - Can these deep seated feelings, whether they be rage or jealousy or anything else, ever go away entirely with effort? Is the best we can do to suppress them? If we do suppress them, is that not further playing into the patriarchal push to suppress emotions?  Is this a contradiction that can only be solved with the liquidation of the patriarchy? - How can men, while still working through these emotions, still be the best possible allies to women and enby folks? - In a similar vein, what can we do as men to hold other men accountable for these attitudes? Obviously we can call out blatant misogyny, but more deep seated attitudes can be harder to detect. Some things I've found that have helped and continue to help me deal with these deep seated attitudes: - Listen to women! This one is pretty obvious so I won't spend much time on it, but your female comrades will know better than you when you're doing harmful shit. - Read feminist theory. I'm currently reading *Revolting Prostitutes* and it's helping me to get over some attitudes towards sex work that I now realize were fairly reactionary. Theory works, and it's always helpful to have a better understanding of the world - Organize organize organize. Theory is useless without organization and vice versa. You will 1000% learn more about overcoming these attitudes through direct work with female comrades and within orgs working towards women's liberation than you will anywhere else.

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[Invidious Link](https://invidio.xamh.de/watch?v=s1FkO7Tr70A&dark_mode=true) > Pretty much all the things that are said to be plaguing men, especially white men, can be explained through understanding the exploitative nature of capitalism and how men play a specific and important role in the maintenance of capitalism; a role that, for the vast majority of them, requires a traumatizing debasement of their sense of self and humanity. Men have to be the arbiters and vectors of patriarchal power. Patriarchy does not work without our support: we are the glue that keeps that machine together...**but consider how glue is made.** Topically relevant with the recent violence we've been seeing this year in the news, Signifier does his usual schtick of speaking on topics of masculinity and toxic patriarchal norms, including a commentary on the intersectionality of whiteness and maleness (with white guests) and its relevance to the radicalization of spree shooters. Additionally, as usual, Signifier speaks to the ways that men can disconnect from cultural expectations in order to have happier and healthier lives. Love y'all. :cat-trans:

After shifting my understanding of gender to viewing it as a spectrum and not as a binary matter, I've grown more comfortable with my identity. But I'm having a tough time figuring out where I fit. I'm a dude, I guess. Like, I have a beard, my voice is on the deeper side, and I've always identified as one. But I've never liked having to fit a stereotypical male role. Living in a binary society, I've always been made fun of or ridiculed for being, "girly." And that leads to the first part of my questions. How do I describe the masculine and feminine parts of my personality without being misogynistic? We want to break down gender stereotypes, but how do we talk about masculinity or femininity without being guilty of what we're trying to end? I'm going to attempt to describe how I feel about my gender identity at the risk of reinforcing these ideas, but I'm coming from a place where I want to understand. So please correct me where appropriate. I've had at least two dozen people in my life ask if I was or accuse me of being gay. I've had both men and women call me a little b**ch. My family has made fun of me because I don't like getting dirty or doing hard manual labor. This has caused a lot of pain for me over the years. There's really nothing that masculine about me. I'm a petite and pretty delicate person. I don't have much arm or leg hair, and my hands are the size of a 13-year-old girl's. I have a strong sense of empathy and I'm very aware of my emotions. I would much rather feel small and cute versus manly or handsome. When cuddling with someone, I like being the little spoon and feeling comforted and safe. I like more feminine body washes and deodorants. I'd like to take a stab at wearing mascara to accentuate my eyelashes, and foundation to have a more even-looking skintone. Thinking about embracing my femininity makes me feel super cozy inside. I would LOVE to not have to live life as a "guy", where I'm expected to "man up", be tough, and crush down my emotions and sensitivity. After thinking about these things for the past few weeks, I've realized that I was at my most toxic behavior when I was trying to be what I thought a man was. Putting myself first at the expense of others, constantly having to find sexual conquests, trying to be the "man" in a hetero relationship. It just isn't me, and it's not a good way to live. So, I don't know if I'm non-binary, or if I'm just a feminine man. I really don't think I fit into the male gender box, but I'm positive that I'm not a female. Am I NB, or am I just looking for a way to justify being a soft and gentle man? I could use some advice and I'd love to hear from other AMABs who've realized they were NB.

www.gamedeveloper.com

There's far too much text in this to scribe over to message posts, so I'll just hope there isn't a paywall. If there is and there's interest in reading the article through it, let me know.

Hey what's up fellow redditors! I never really got to ask my father for tips about shaving my pubes and also balls, so most of my efforts at doing so have been... sloppy at best. I've tried to research it online ofc, but reddit tends to recommend I buy a $80 electric razor and blah blah blah Basically: What are your tips for shaving dick and balls and with what equipment? EDIT: Thank you all for the advice. I'm prob gonna do the clipper + razor method because I am lazy. If I ever feel super baller I will for sure check out a safety razor.

I'm doing good, at the gym and then I'm going to go back to playing horizon or maybe start elden ring. Anyone out here doing anything?

Currently taking psychology for gen ed requirements and it’s like 90% girls (judging from the portal pronouns), and next semester and forward my only classes (for now) will be engineering. The upside of STEM classes is that everyone is awkward and usually keep to themselves, but I imagine women in these classes know this and don’t want a bunch of weirdos approaching them. But anyway, I’d like to accomplish... something. Anything really. I’ve only had few relationships back in high school and they only lasted a few months (usually because people transfer each year). And pretty much all of those times the girls were the one approaching me. But, this is real life and I’m expected to make the first move. I’m fine with that in theory, but I just don’t want to come off as weird or desperate and I don’t really have any precedents to judge my behavior on. And truthfully, I am terrified of women around my age. I can converse with women like 5+ years older than me, but any girls 3 years older or younger than me I usually hit a brick wall. I’ve had female friends before and never had problems with talking to them since I didn’t have any feelings for them, but everyone in college is just so good looking and experienced I feel like I’m out of their leagues.

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It's a feminine and non-binary trait as well, but safety is a manly trait.

www.vice.com

In which men, desperately lonely and alienated, pay thousands of dollars to pretend to be Tier One operators. I urge you to read this if you want to stare deep into :amerikkka: brainworms

It seems to first come from MRA spaces, but then I seen some TERFs co-opt it, and even the FDS subreddit uses some of that logic? Is this really interpretation people are getting from nature? I did see FDS, and TERFs try to compare humans to bee social structures which is a weird take.

I have been a straight guy for as long as I can remember. Ive had multiple relationships, plenty of enjoyable sexual encounters, and obviously seen women as a point of attraction since i was very young. However, my long term relationship has suffered because I started having these panic attacks about that. I start obsessing over the idea that I may not be straight, as a result of some erectile dysfunction, which of course only makes that panic worse. Lately, almost exactly after I turned 30, its like that part of my brain just shut off. I can, most of the time, become erect and do the deed (so to speak) but its like a part of my brain is missing. The part that wants it, its so quiet compared to before. I have obsessive doubts about what im feeling, all the time. I dont enjoy anything. I cant masturbate, because when I do find a fleeting grasp of arousal it is met with a wave of depression and anxiety that shuts it down. Im going to my first therapy session today, but im in a lot of pain and just wanted a place to put it. Edit: weed was a major trigger and ive since given it up Edit: would also just like to thank everyone for responding, thank you to the community.

> In *How Can I Get Through to You?*, family therapist Terrence Real tells how his sons were initiated into patriarchal thinking even as their parents worked to create a loving home in which antipatriarchal values prevailed. He tells of how his young son Alexander enjoyed dressing as Barbie until boys playing with his older brother witnessed his Barbie persona and let him know by their gaze and their shocked, disapproving silence that his behavior was unacceptable: > >> Without a shred of malevolence, the stare my son received transmitted a message. You are not to do this. And the medium that message was broadcast in was a potent emotion: shame. At three, Alexander was learning the rules. A ten second wordless transaction was powerful enough to dissuade my son from that instant forward from what had been a favorite activity. I call such moments of induction the “normal traumatization” of boys. > > To indoctrinate boys into the rules of patriarchy, we force them to feel pain and to deny their feelings. I already feel this with my son. The fact that a radically anti-patriarchal home environment could be undone by a silent 10 second interaction is maddening. My entire childhood experience with gender was focused on shame and how shameful it is to be girly. I don’t want that for my sons and I don’t want the impacts of that for my daughters.

This goes out to all the trans and cis dudes chillin out there. We love you comrades!

I feel like a guy. I like to do “manly” stuff. Boxing, weightlifting, sports, etc. However, the concept of “being a man” sounds kinda far fetched to me. Like it’s an abstract concept that is impossible to achieve. Is a man supposed to be stoic or brash? Dress up in a tie and suit or wear carhartt and have a beard? Then they’re are guys who dress up or wear makeup. Gender related expressions are so constructed that I realized while I feel like a guy I wouldn’t mind if someone referred to me as they. I want to be able to paint my nails without feeling embarrassed but then go to a boxing gym and spar. I don’t know if it’s a political rejection of masculinity but just wondering if anyone has experienced something similar.

Kinda stuck me cause I almost never hear men talk that way. In 30 years I don't think I've told my best friend I love him more then twice. Hell I even have anxiety using heart emojis. It's honestly really encouraging to hear men talk this way, maybe some day I'll be able to be one of them.

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Sigma Male more like Sigma Balls haha got 'em.

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