furries get a lot of psychological safety out of embracing animalistic traits in all contexts. Speech is extremely difficult for me and being able to "awooo arf x3 wuf bark!" my way through normal day to day conversations with partners is such an inexplicable relief that I hope people with a passing understanding of neurodivergence can empathize.

For as beneficial as these things are in normal day to day life, it would in fact be far weirder if it didn't extend to the bedroom too. Like play-gnawing a partner to say "I love you" and then getting to the bed with them and just saying "ok for this one thing in particular I am a normal human who doesn't howl!!!"

That would be fucking weird right?

I'm gonna copy another comment I made on this post since it's the best thing I think I can say about it. But just know I once felt as you do and probably still would if my sister wasn't a furry.

I think the kink and fursuit parts are what most people understand about furries because that's the most signal boosted and bizarre parts about it. However, furries often have other things that really attach them to it, and the kink is a further expression of that.

For a lot of people, neurodivergence is a core feature. I struggle with speech a lot. I'm learning ASL but few people speak it. The flexibility to communicate in howls, barks and yips on occasion is extremely helpful. The furry community is full of people who just get this and will treat me very normally when I'm nonverbal. The scared kid in me still expects to be hit for disobedience, so it's incredibly healing.

Some folks who like fursuits like them because they present a barrier and literal mask that helps them feel safe and protected from bad sensory experiences in public. Some attach themselves into a fursona character and find a way to express parts of themselves they couldn't elsewhere. My sister describes her fursona as a manifestation of her inner child unburdened by abuse, and made the character female years before she worked out she was trans.

When you consider how much kink and trauma go hand in hand, how much furries lean on their identity as a way to feel safe engaging with others, and how much genuine joy people find in their fursona, the kink makes a whole lot more sense. It's less about being attracted to "rejected Disney mascots" specifically as it is about the comfort and safety a rejected Disney mascot persona can bring to people who need it. For as much as it's helpful in the outside world, it would in fact be weirder for none of that to come into the bedroom too.

It's about who you love, not just who you have sex with. Two women who are asexual (don't experience much in the way of sexual pleasure) who have a long term committed romantic relationship may not technically be "homosexual", but they are definitely seen and treated as such. And I think the term "gay" very comfortably applies.

phobia of neurodivergent people as well, I think. A lot of the things people find weird and offputting are just like... autism or something.

I think the kink and fursuit parts are what most people understand about furries because that's the most signal boosted and bizarre parts about it. However, furries often have other things that really attach them to it, and the kink is a further expression of that.

For a lot of people, neurodivergence is a core feature. I struggle with speech a lot. I'm learning ASL but few people speak it. The flexibility to communicate in howls, barks and yips on occasion is extremely helpful. The furry community is full of people who just get this and will treat me very normally when I'm nonverbal. The scared kid in me still expects to be hit for disobedience, so it's incredibly healing.

Some folks who like fursuits like them because they present a barrier and literal mask that helps them feel safe and protected from bad sensory experiences in public. Some attach themselves into a fursona character and find a way to express parts of themselves they couldn't elsewhere. My sister describes her fursona as a manifestation of her inner child unburdened by abuse, and made the character female years before she worked out she was trans.

When you consider how much kink and trauma go hand in hand, how much furries lean on their identity as a way to feel safe engaging with others, and how much genuine joy people find in their fursona, the kink makes a whole lot more sense. It's less about being attracted to "rejected Disney mascots" specifically as it is about the comfort and safety a rejected Disney mascot persona can bring to people who need it. For as much as it's helpful in the outside world, it would in fact be weirder for none of that to come into the bedroom too.

Best description of this I've read, thank you. It's not a question about men directly, it's a question about how women have to navigate a world with a small percentage of men that will hurt them given the opportunity.

I like the word "burgerpunk" to describe our dystopia not as neon lights and cool sexy cyborgs but more the aesthetic of a DoorDash ad.

Hi are you doing anything later you probably don't want my bank account but I can bring some material to blackmail me with or something

I've yet to as well. It is my community so biased perspective but I have met soooo many queers with odd kinks and not a single one is into kids. Many were abused themselves as kids (not always sexually but still) and have no interest in repeating that on anyone else.

internet discourse is so attention-seeking, contentious and unempathetic that I feel like it's fostered a culture where people expressing hurt are routinely interrogated and doubted just in case they're seeking undeserved attention. (because some people do!)

so, people are caught between a rock and a hard place. They can be honest about what burdens them in a way that leaves room for critique, and take the emotional damage that comes from the interrogation of their experiences. or they find extreme, bulletproof-sounding, "nobody could be ok under these circumstances" ways of putting their problems that aren't in line with reality.

The former is honest but puts you at emotional risk when you're already vulnerable. The latter is inauthentic but does grant the solidarity and support they're seeking in the first place. I can't really blame the people who pick door #2, especially when this decision is conditioned over long periods of social media use. It's also in line with catastrophization, a common distortion many of us experience already.

notably, this has always been a common problem with how PTSD is understood, specifically complex trauma. many people discount their own trauma because it's not the typical "got my limb blown off" image of trauma and they'll occasionally be attacked for claiming they are traumatized. So they find more extreme ways to put their trauma that do get them the support they're seeking. (and need!)

I don't know what the solution to any of this is but I do feel it comes from a real place and I put the blame more on social media than the individuals, despite how annoyed I can get with people when I see it.

Hey love this idea! Random shit to start a convo: I just lost my job today (not great but I'll be ok). I am maybe turning the corner w/ a longstanding chronic pain condition, after which I'm gonna get back to my hobby of fighting people in the park.

Also, if you feel like playing too: what have you been up to today?

Ultimately, we're discussing two different styles of communication that I don't see as any better or worse than each other - everyone finds what works for them in their circumstances and environment and your style probably works great for yours!

There's a fair bit of hostility and harassment I encounter in public for various reasons, and I also have some inherent difficulty processing speech and verbalizing. As a result, I take a pretty blunt approach to communication - one in which I do not mind showing that I'm angry, because that is a necessary thing to be sometimes.

I practice mindfulness a lot and do not generally feel required to say the first thing that comes to mind. But if a drunk asshole is following me home, I'm not looking to outwit em. I'm looking to stay focused on my safety while letting em know that I see em and I'm probably more trouble than they're looking for.

In serious conversation with people I care about, I do swear, but it's because phrases like "I'm so fucking sorry that happened to you" come naturally to me and are effective. The emphasis that a little bit of swearing can add in moments like that is pretty useful.

This all doesn't have to be your thing, like I said this is all down to personal preference - but it would be a mistake to assume that people who swear aren't communicating as meaningfully. It's just another tool that we have at our disposal.

My answer too.

And also for the benefit of anyone who's just played the base game: the DLC is basically a sequel, and I found it even more impactful than the base game!

1. why is letting off steam indicative of a weak character? I think that when under stress, it's actually indicative of someone being emotionally intelligent to recognize they need to let some stress out and find an avenue for it. I can't explain exactly why, but swearing has always been a pretty effective way for me to let out some stress mid conversation while staying focused on a problem.

2. some contexts call for aggression. i.e. If someone's making me or someone I care about uncomfortable in public, it can be pretty useful to bare my teeth back. A simple "fuck off" doesn't require me to engage with any of their bullshit at all, gets the point across, and carries it with a mild aggression that actually does make people fuck off much of the time.

3. it is imprecise, but in many contexts it's precise enough to convey displeasure and dismay enough to get the point across. In fact the power of "fuck you" is in how concise yet universally applicable and understandable in so many situations.

For some reason most of my partners have ended up being Cincinnati refugees. So I think I can second this. "it's a good place to be from" is a common refrain.

as a Colorado native I've disliked most every other person I've met from the state elsewhere, no particular reason outside luck of the draw I think

Much of the time communication isn't about being creative or coming off smart. It's about effectively conveying meaning with the tools you have. Sometimes that means simple, crude language is more effective at conveying something than all the wit in the world.

So when I'm in a situation that calls for its use, I don't care that "fuck off" is a dime-a-dozen phrase that doesn't make sense. It's never misunderstood, it's cathartic to say, and I don't need to think on the spot to figure out something more eloquent - my mind is on, y'know, who or what needs to fuck off instead.

I lost my chance to stop years ago

Especially considering a lot of the creative talent behind Valve's acclaimed single player catalog are no longer at the company. Valve is a different company now and so their games will be different too.

funny you say that, I'm drawing from some past cult-adjacent experiences when I think about the subject. there's definitely lots of overlap and I think a lot of the social motives are one and the same.

It happens in many different contexts and often I feel there's a logic to it. Lots of people who are marginalized in one way are privileged in another. Maintaining access to that privilege can also mean an expectation to maintain your own marginalization. If someone feels they end up better on the whole by doing so, and isn't deeply connected to others without that privilege, and doesn't feel safe navigating life without that privilege, it gets pretty easy to justify on a personal level.